Response to a youtube comment: “What if this person is my mother?”

One of my YouTube videos talks about “Cunning deceitful Manipulators” and how to deal with them. Here is the link to the video if you would like to see it: http://youtu.be/U_UyuMVCFQc

This is in response to a question from viewer who was asking: “What if this person is my mother?”. Here is my response:

I commend you for having the bravery to come to this conclusion. This is not easy. It becomes harder if you are still a teenager, and or living with your mother. What also makes this challenging is that in most cultures we are taught that we are in debt to parents and they deserve a special treatment from us.
I have three suggestions and please start with them in order given:

1) Remember that your mom has a problem. This is not your fault.

2) Remember that she loves you and you can use that love to stop her aggression.  For example, express to her clearly how what she is doing is making you feel.  She cannot argue with how you feel.  Feelings are feelings.  She cannot say, but I did not mean to hurt you.  What she meant has nothing to do with it.  You feel what you feel and she needs to know.  I have seen aggressors who would not stop until they feel you were affected by what they said.  So, reduce your tolerance level and stop taking it in stride and show her immediately that you are hurt.  Try it, it works.

3) Write down your responsibilities towards your mom and actions you must take to fulfill them and feel good about self. Find smart ways to do your duties with least amount of hurt from her side.

4)Write down things that you do not have to tolerate from her, and how to protect yourself from each without neglecting your duties and without really hurting her. Remember sometimes manipulators try to make you think you are hurting them when all you did was defend yourself or stop their aggression. Remember you can be tactful yet assertive. This comes with practice.

5) Find a support group to help you through this. This can be in your community. Check organizations that offer abuse support. If none available, have a friend, relative, or mentor who you can confide with and who can at least listen to you. Choose wisely.

6) While hard to do, please try to always remind yourself that with challenges comes growth and learning.  This can help you become a better person, if you choose to.

I wish you well.

Regards,

Ammar

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