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The trap of finding others difficult

Sometimes difficulty in dealing with others comes from within.  A very simple example we all have probably experienced.  As teenagers, almost everyone has made an unreasonable request to a parent.  Whether you wanted a motorcycle, or to take a trip around the world with rock band, or requesting to stay out past bed time on school night, we all have experienced a parent who was difficult.  but the difficulty displayed might be warranted.  Same thing still applies always and on daily basis in many of our encounters.

Sometimes our ego gets in the way of looking at self and being honest on whether we ourselves are being reasonable or not.  Now, if one gets drawn into own drama, then one can start making things even more difficult for self by villifying the other person when much of the blame might be on self.

How to avoid such a trap? There is no simple answer, but there are things we can do to reduce its effect.

First it is important to put things in perspective and focus on facts, not assumptions.  For example, instead of assuming someone’s bad intentions, look at the actions and statements as they are, not more not less.  they can be ill intended and they might not be.   Instead of wasting time trying to second guess the other person, just make sure that you do what you feel is right.  If someone is making statements that are hurting you, state that in a clear, non intimidating way to them directly.  If they are asking you to do something against your interest, clearly state how you feel.

Also, if someone makes a statement and you are not sure why they make such a statement ask the question, “why are you saying that?”  but do it in a way that begs an answer not in an angry fashion.

So, instead of trying to judge others, deal with what is being done or said as they are, without drama or unnecessary assumptions.

another tip to help, is to tell self the other side of the story: “Maybe He is trying to help, when he did or said so and so.” This does not mean that you do not protect self, but it means, that there is no need to get angry over things people did not do or say, but you are assuming they are planning to.

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