We all make mistakes, but it is wise to learn from others, as we do not have the time nor the luxury to commit all the mistakes. This is why we learn from others.
Sometimes we disagree on what works and what does not. But there are things in people management that everyone agrees on. Yet, many leaders are not aware of these mistakes.
Here are the top ten rules of dealing with people that I live by. All of them are anonymously agreed upon as ABCs of dealing with people. Let’s go:
Rule #1: Show Interest. If you do not care, they will not care either. You cannot care only about yourself. Because there can be no interaction that way. If you show interest they will be interested too. And they will listen to you and be willing to cooperate.
Rule #2: Show Respect. Treat everyone like they are the most precious person on earth. And they are, to themselves and their mother. So everyone deserves that level of respect from you, because it reflects on how much you respect yourself.
Rule #3: Smile like you mean it. There is a way to do that. Imagine you are surprised by seeing someone you love seeing. That smile? Bingo. I mean, your whole face should wrinkle with love and caring for the other person.
Rule #4: Ask them how they are doing, like you mean it. How are you has become a coined term to start conversation. So, many ask the question, hoping for a quick “fine” so they can say what they want. Instead, ask like you care. Even better, make sure you care. When you need someone to cooperate, you need to show that their well-being is important to you. Otherwise, none of your requests and needs will be worthy for them.
Rule #5 Listen. So easy to say, so hard to do. Just listening in itself is so difficult for us sometimes. So how can we learn to listen? Leave everything else and give your full attention (body, mind, emotions) to the person speaking. Add to that some empathy: Bingo again.
Rule #6: Be Clear. Clear does not mean that you should tell everyone everything about yourself. Clear means clarity in your interaction with the person. For example, if you are concerned, say so. If you are happy, same thing. Make sure you tell others what you expect from them and check what they expect from you. Clarity. It is amazing how many people come to me complaining about how the boss, or a colleague is treating them. My first question is: “Have you expressed yourself to them?” The answer eight out of ten times is “no.”
Rule #7: Be Your Self. How we try to present ourselves to others is a combination of who we are, who they want us to be, and what society rules require. It is hard to show real self in these circumstances. So, most of what others see of you is maybe 30%. You need to be you. Because you are good enough. How to do that? Ask yourself, why are you going to say this statement? Why do you want to come across in a certain way? If the answer is not “because this is who I really am,” then you need to reconsider that behavior or statement.
Rule #8: Be Transparent. People do not like surprises. If you are moving in a certain direction with your decision; say it. Let it be clear what your thoughts are. I know I know; that is against what Don Corleone senior said to his sons: “Never tell anyone outside the family what you are thinking.” But Don Corleone may he rest in peace was a mobster. Surrounded by cunning people. This is not how most of us live.
Rule #9: Be a Person not a role. I remember the worst advice I have ever had from a CEO once: “People must fear you to cooperate with you.” I am not sure which book of influencing people he read, but it does not work like that. Unless you want to be the hero of a horror movie.
Rule #10: Be Positive. Before you say or do anything, ask yourself: “what I am going to say or do. will it help the person deal with the situation positively or negatively?” Positive results in growth and cooperation. Negative results in destruction and resistance. 90% of the time we want to be on the positive side. So, ask
Rule #11: Is yours to add. Please. Do not be a stranger. Share your rules in the comments.