While it is wise to “set up the stage” to choose the right time and moment to talk to someone, CDMs take this a step further: They actually “set up” the stage to win and others lose.
CDM is an unscientific short for a type of people I call Cunning Deceitful Manipulators. CDMs are what their name suggests. In short CDMs care only about themselves and everyone else is just a resource to be used. They are incapable of feeling true love, other than love of possession, which is not real love.
“Setting up” means they attack you when you least expect and usually set the stage for the attack to result in getting what they want. This is the cunning part. They plot carefully, and choose when to talk to you, where, how to start, how to let you put down your guard, and then how to attack without ever looking like they are to blame. For the outsider, it will look like fair game.
Unfortunately you will only know that you were set up after the incident. There is a good chance that you will never know. But if you find yourself wondering how someone keeps convincing you of something against your will and against common sense, and on regular basis, you are probably being set up. No shame in that, all of us can fall to these games.
This is why many people are fooled by CDMs. They seem like great people to the outside world. Because they choose carefully who to attack and when to attack, and they never display their true cunning self in public. The problem is that they have to win at everybody else’s expense if need be. Fairness, honesty, truthfulness, are all relative depending on what serves their needs. But all done in a very subtle fashion without anyone doubting anything.
So what to do if you are being setup? As soon as you realize that the conversation does not feel comfortable, or it is taking you in an wanted direction, walk away. Excuse yourself from the discussion and use an excuse: you have to be somewhere, to meet someone, you just remembered something, or anything to get you out. Once you are out, you can decide to go back and close that discussion on your terms when and if you feel it is necessary. At least you will be prepared.
CDMs have an extreme case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). They are different than narcissistic people who are usually harmless. Unfortunately, studies show that NPDs end up taking critical roles in society, because of their love of self, high self confidence, charisma, and because they have no principles, and allow the ends to always justify the means. They make up roughly 6% of the population in the United States, according to one study.
Are you being setup by CDMs? tell us how you dealt with it.
**Here is a link to a YouTube video that describes CDMs and how to deal with them.