Employee Appraisal Quotes: Funny and Probably not True


Here is another classic that I love just for fun.  Luckily I seldom had to deal with team members that fit these descriptions and if I did, it was not for long.  However, Here are some claimed employee appraisal lines from supposedly very frustrated managers.   I did not write this but again, it is not clear where they originated from.   Enjoy 🙂

1. Since my last report this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this employee to breed.
3. This employee is really not much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be.
4. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
5. When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change feet.
6. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot
7. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
8. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
9. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
10. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better.
11. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
12. A gross ignoramus — 144 times worse than an
ordinary ignoramus.
13. He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.
14. He’s been working with glue too much.
14. He would argue with a signpost.
15. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
16. When his IQ reaches 50 he should sell.
17. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.
18. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
19. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
20. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
21. He’s got two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
22. If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
23. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.
24. It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
25. One neuron short of a synapse.
26. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
27. Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

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