Five years, and 175,000 views later, I am smiling as I contemplate what has happened since I put this video on Youtube.
It was a tough time for me, as I was dealing with one of the most cunning people I have met in my life. I am happy to say that this person is not part of my daily life anymore. I feel stronger, more content and positive than I did back then. I still have CDMs around me, but in a controlled environment, so to speak. These are the ones I cannot get rid of; they are family. But the worst one is away thank God for that.
Since then, I took a more “people” approach to my consulting practice; I am paying more attention to people understanding self as a prerequisite for boosting performance. I found a very accurate assessment based on Talent Analytics that helps my clients understand self and others, so to have more confidence in themselves, and be more positive in dealing with self and others. I also, started focusing more on the people aspect in my professional courses like Project Management, Leadership, and Presentation and Boardroom skills. I am trying to give people tips and tools they can apply immediately, instead of complicated theories that require a lot of effort and practice to materialize in reality.
I also went into providing Simulation Based Learning, so people can deal with real life challenges in a simulated environment in my courses. This allows them to deal with the tough situations in the safe training environment, and with my support and coaching. This makes it easier for them to understand the emotions and people behavior behind real life situations. Then they face these situations on the job in a more calmer and confident fasion.
I wanted to go over the video one more time today and asked myself: “What would you change, knowing what you know today?” I really believe what is in there is still valid as is. I think I should have paid a bit more attention to aesthetics and graphics, but the content is still OK.
Seven Things I would add to what is in the video:
- It is hard to feel good about yourself when you are in constant contacts with CDMs; they would not allow it. So, please give yourself some room. If you cannot stay away forever, at least decrease interaction to a minimum.
- Sports, Walking with a friend, and meditation help. Make time for them. Remember saying “I do not have time for myself” is like saying “I am not a priority.”
- One of the best people I know in dealing with CDMs lays the playing ground for them. Explaining clearly what she will and will not accept, in a clear but non-confrontational manner.
- You don’t have to hate the CDM. But loving them is one thing, and allowing them to hurt you is another. Some mistaken love to mean allowing them to hurt. That is wrong and dangerous.
- Some of the more severely disturbed CDMs will try to make you isolated so you do not have other choices than them. They scare you of the outside world and of other people, so you do not leave them.
- The next time someone says “I hope I am not disturbing?” If it is not a good time for you, please say “actually this is not a good time.” And try to end the conversation. CDMs play this game of calling you at bad times, and ask you this question, so you fall into their power game. I know this is not everybody, but some of them do. So with any demanding person, learn to say “No”! and make sure they do not intrude on your time. Whether they are CDMs or not.
- Express yourself as much as you can. Tell people bothering you that they are bothering you. Do it from a neutral stance. Not arrogance, not power, not weakness. Just as it is.
If you have not seen the video yet, take a look and let me know how many people come to mind when you see the video about CDMs. The number of these CDMs worldwide is increasing unfortunately not decreasing, and it increases as narcissism is fed even more around the globe. I believe that behind every world conflict is a CDM. What do you think?